Who Has The Answers

Marriage - join as husband and wife.

This is the belief that I and many others hold and find to be sacred. The unity of a man and a woman. Now, the lesbian and gay community will label me a homophobe and a 'religious right' fanatic simply for holding that belief. Just a sad fact that I have come to learn.

Apparently, they are missing the fact that this is simply a very imbedded belief for many. The fact that they have to fight for the right to marry, have kids, benefits and whatever else us heterosexuals have, you would think that they would realize that they have to fight because this belief has been imbedded in to the minds of many. Their term would probably be, 'brainwashed.' But can they not also realize that it is simply a belief and not a discriminatory act by some? Change is good but it isn't always easy.

I came across an article about this very topic, legalizing gay marriage in Spain. "Spanish civil code is considered likely to pass a final hurdle in the Senate on June 30 and clear the way for gay marriage and the adoption of children by gay spouses in Spain by the end of the summer."

Upon reading this article, I found myself doing a little research on this topic.

Francisco Franco. I'm sure that many in the community may recognize this name. He was what I classify a homophobe. "Just a generation ago under Franco, whose dictatorial rule was blessed by the Catholic Church, homosexual acts were illegal and thousands of homosexuals were shipped off to institutions that gay activists say were tantamount to concentration camps." Through my research I discovered that, "thousands of homosexuals were jailed, put in camps or locked up in mental institutions." Also, "homosexuals, almost all of them men, were packed off to mental hospitals where some were given electric shock."

Considering just these couple of quotes, I can see the views of the gay/lesbian community against the 'religious right', homophobia, and their feelings of being discriminated against. HOWEVER, these people were treated much worse than the gay community these days. To label one a homophobe because we have a different belief is simply a misunderstanding of the word homophobe. I know that there are instances of violence but our current leader is not condoning that violence nor are most civilians.

Now, since curiosity killed the cat, I went and did some more research. The Netherlands enacted a gay marriage law in 2001. So I wanted some statistics, although there are not too many that can really be set in stone as of yet.

Now, these studies could be skewed or it could be close to what is real. I tend to believe that studies sway in whichever direction of the person writing them but I did research numerous studies and all were very similar in nature as far as numbers, stats, etc. I will list only some of the things that I found or else this post would go on and on.

"There are very high rates of sexual promiscuity among the homosexual population with short duration of even 'committed' relationships"

"Gay activists claim that there is no difference between children raised in a homosexual as opposed to a heterosexual household. However, essentially all studies that show that there is no difference have been criticised because of poor research quality. Despite the shortcomings, the studies seem to suggest that children raised in same-sex parents may be more sexually promiscuous and more likely to become homosexuals."

"However, the main concern remains the inherent instability of same-sex marriages. In the above mentioned Dutch survey, the average length of a 'committed' homosexual partnership was only 1.5 years. In the mentioned survey of nearly 8,000 gays, 71% of relationships did not last 8 years. Furthermore, violence among homosexual partnerships is two to three times as common as in heterosexual relationships. Such an environment does not provide the stability required for raising children. Former homosexual Stephen Bennett who is married to his wife and has two children states: 'Granting homosexuals the right to marry or adopt children is deliberately creating dysfunctional families."

"In an online survey among nearly 8,000 homosexuals, 71% of same-sex relationships lasted less than eight years"www.glcensus.org

"Research indicates very high levels of violence in homosexual and lesbian relationships:"
"A study in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence examined conflict and violence in lesbian relationships. The researchers found that 90 percent of the lesbians surveyed had been recipients of one or more acts of verbal aggression from their intimate partners during the year prior to this study, with 31 percent reporting one or more incidents of physical abuse."
"The National Violence against Women Survey, sponsored by the National Institute of Justice, found that "same-sex cohabitants reported significantly more intimate partner violence than did opposite-sex cohabitants. Thirty-nine percent of the same-sex cohabitants reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by a marital/cohabitating partner at some time in their lifetimes, compared to 21.7 percent of the opposite-sex cohabitants. Among men, the comparable figures are 23.1 percent and 7.4 percent."

"By their own admission, gay activists are not simply interested in making it possible for homosexuals and lesbians to partake of conventional married life. Rather, they aim to change the essential character of marriage, removing precisely the aspects of fidelity and chastity that promote stability in the relationship and the home."

"Paula Ettelbrick, the former legal director of the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, has stated, "Being queer is more than setting up house, sleeping with a person of the same gender, and seeking state approval for doing so....Being queer means pushing the parameters of sex, sexuality, and family, and in the process transforming the very fabric of society."

"Homosexual writer and activist Michelangelo Signorile speaks approvingly of those who advocate replacing monogamy with sexually "open" relationships:

"For these men the term "monogamy" simply doesn't necessarily mean sexual exclusivity....The term "open relationship" has for a great many gay men come to have one specific definition: A relationship in which the partners have sex on the outside often, put away their resentment and jealousy, and discuss their outside sex with each other, or share sex partners."

This last quote really is disturbing. But it shouldn't be that surprising. As I said above, these may be skewed statistics however, resoundingly, I found that all the studies I found were similar. Higher rates of infidelity, higher rates of abuse, higher rates of divorce, more partners, higher health risks. Now that this is all pointed out to me in studies, I question the reasons behind the act of marriage among the gay/lesbian community. I think civil unions are enough to give what these couples want. If the agenda of the gay community is what was stated by gay activists themselves, I cannot believe their intentions are entirely innocent. If there are studies out there to stomp on these studies, I welcome them although again, all of them sway towards whoever is writing them.

One last thing I must address is this article I found today about a lesbian couple in a dispute over child support.

Emily and Elisa and their twin children, one of which has downs syndrome. Emily was the recipient of the sperm, and was the one who the couple decided would stay home and care for their children. The couple split up 18 months later and the 'breadwinner', Emily, cut off financial support claiming, "I'm not the children's father". First off, I don't know what the etiquette is in the home of a lesbian relationship but to me, there is actually no 'father' present to begin with. They're both women. Secondly, if it is that simple for one partner to claim this I don't think that the gay or lesbian community should be allowed to adopt children. Genetically speaking, there are either two fathers or two mothers and the chances of the union lasting seem to be pretty slim. How long before the sperm and egg donors will be held legally responsible for this sort of thing?

I forgot to mention that both women participated in the breastfeeding duties as well. Would that make them both parents or just the one that gave birth? And "the couple had named the children as beneficiaries on life insurance policies." And yes, heterosexuals are just as guilty of doing this exact thing however, there is a member in that relationship that physically does contribute to the situation. And more times than not, they are held responsible.

I honestly think that if people are gay/lesbian that is really great for them. But there are so many things that need to be ironed out regarding marriage and children. That of course will be assumed by some that I am discriminating but I am not. It is just a fact. Of course marriage is sacred, vows are made to make it through good and bad, being true to one another. But in asking to become recognized in society as legally married, that would mean that the vows would have to be revamped in order to accomodate? Is that my understanding? As marriage these days seems to be scoffed at. If they are marrying simply for the benefits, that is not the right reason. And no, I don't claim to be an authority on marriage however, I do believe in it and the vows.

I also believe that if the gay/lesbian community wants support in their own beliefs that they should really make sure they can come up with solid reasons why their ideas and beliefs are strong, not simply because they feel it is their right. If we change this way of living, a whole slew of laws will need to be created and reconstructed in order to accomodate the gay/lesbian community. Not that that is bad but in what I have learned, I just wonder why the act of marriage is really so important to these people.